Monday, October 22, 2012

I'm moving in TWO DAYS

Holy crap.
I have so much to do still, I haven’t even started to pack or anything, mostly because it feels overwhelming. Gah, I feel like I’m going to forget like 20 important things thanks to procrastinating -.- When I moved for school, I knew exactly when I’d be back, so it wasn’t ever daunting: it was a temporary move. But now it’s a permanent move so we can  start our lives for real when he gets home. I’m genuinely excited about it, I really am, and I have missed Washington, but the gravity of making a major life decision is still present. I’m looking forward to the little things I suppose, like going to my favorite local market, a coffee shop I adore, being in the city, rainy days, fall colors, a Halloween party, and sleeping in our bed most of all. I’m excited to see friends and of course to start preparing for his homecoming, which is always on my mind. 
And this deployment. Dear god just let this thing end, I am just done. He should be home in just a couple weeks so it won’t be long now, but I just want to get that text that says he’s on the plane home instead of playing guessing games waiting for the Air Force to give him a set date. In many ways this last bit of deployment is getting easier, theres a sense of optimism and excitement about him coming back soon, which has made everything feel lighter and easier to handle. At the same time, I am just tired of this and want him back. I’m tired of sleeping alone, and waiting, and really am just getting emotionally burnt out on this whole deployment thing. I’ve been trying to just think levelly about it, to tell myself its over when its over and theres nothing I can do to hurry it up. I still can’t think about homecoming for very long without wanting to cry from the anticipation, but now that undercurrent of excitement is making it a little easier to let those thoughts in. 
I’ve begun to seriously think about what I want to wear/how to do my hair/all that stuff. I started to think about why people obsess about looking perfect, when it legitimately hit me that this is a pretty big life event, something we’ll actually remember until we die, and every extra bit of magic contributes to that memory. No wonder I and so many other girls want to go the extra mile, planning outfits weeks in advance, booking various beauty appointments, losing those last couple pounds. I know it’s going to be an amazing moment even if my hair looks like crap and my makeup is wonky and my nails are bitten to stubs, but how much more will I love that memory if I feel great about myself? That memory, and that feeling of confidence that will forever be tied to it, is what makes it worth it.
Well, that and watching him melt when he sees me =D

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