E's deployment date already got moved, to a slightly earlier date, which made me panic briefly before I sternly told myself that it didn't matter, and we might as well get it over with as soon as possible. I know that the date may change at least once more, as the military typically likes to shift things around.
The military is like some sort of sadistic lover, tugging at your emotions just for the hell of it. I want this third wheel of an establishment to be out of our relationship, and I'm relieved that E is getting out of active duty pretty much as soon as he gets home from this deployment. I'm grateful that this is very likely the first and last time I will need to go through this process. I have so much respect for other families who do this multiple times, or for a lifetime.
The worst part of it, is that I have a countdown app on my iphone that has events like his deployment, my graduation, important birthdays etc. Deployment is the next event, and I look at that number every day, the one that tells me how many days and hours I have left with my love (its probably a bad habit). When I had to move that date, I suddenly lost a few numbers, a few days that I assumed I had with him. And thats what made the panic flare up.
But if I'm being reasonable, I know that the sooner we can start this the sooner we can get this over and done with forever. So I keep repeating that in my head over, and over, and over...