How Do I Feel?

Thats the question people love to ask me now that the date is only a couple days away: How are you feeling about it?


Frankly, mixed up.


Part of me is gripped by panic every time I think about the good bye and how painful that is going to be. Even mentally poking at that scenario makes me want to just bawl. And it's stressful!


On the other hand, I'm so sick and tired of the build up, I mean, we've known since December! There's a part of me that just wants to be on the other side of this, to just start building my own routine and getting through this deployment so it can be over. I'm ready to send care packages and graduate and get through this so we can start our lives again.


So thats how I'm feeling today. I wonder what I'll be saying a week from now. That thought terrifies me a little, yo. But I can't stop this, so I just have to try and thrive on my own for a few months.

Card Stock

The start of my collection :)




Check out my Pinterest for more cards I love!

On Stress

With roughly a week to go, I was sitting here patting myself on the back for not falling prey to the stress and fighting most couples experience right before someone deploys.


Until today.


What a stressful disaster. I guess we aren't immune, we've just been saving up our frustration for one explosively awful day. We tried to do some pre-deployment shopping, getting stuff he needs, picking up some bulk care package items, you know, normal stuff. It ended up being a giant stress monster of a task.


Somehow shopping for deployment just made us face its imminent start and we just melted down. It starts with tension, building to annoyances, escalates to fighting, and ends with one and a half of us in "I don't want you to go" tears. I still want to cry even while I type this. I've been sort of pushing the reality of him leaving out of my mind, mainly so I can cheerfully function day-to-day, but after today its all kind of hitting me like a truck.


This week is going to miserable.


At least I have wine?

Gonna need a lot more of this stuff...

Drink Mix Tasting #2 [UPDATED]

Overall, the winner of our drink mix tastings so far was Mio Green Thunder which tastes kind of like green Monster energy drinks, without the carbonation (and without the gasoline taste of the peach-mango flavor). It does have caffeine, which isn't good for around-the-clock hydration, but it does taste the best. 

The other winner is Mio Orange Tangerine! It tastes pretty much exactly like flat orange soda and we both liked it a lot. I was very glad that it too lacked that gasoline flavor of the Peach-Mango flavor. Mio mixes with water pretty much instantly and you don't have to wait for powder to dissolve. There's also less packaging involved which means they're a little better for care packages as they need less space. Also less to throw away, which is always a good thing. We found them to be portable and easy!

We also got a few mixes from REI that promised hydration and were free of fake sugars.

The Vitaltye, to us, tasted like watered-down gatorade and was kind of unpleasant and weak. The GU Brew tasted like chalky off-brand Tang and was very difficult for us to drink. The Coco Hydro Coconut Water mix tastes like coconut water with just a hint of pineapple, and if you like coconut water in general, you'll probably like this mix. This was E's favorite of this batch.


Coconut water also provides really excellent hydration, so I'm hoping this is a taste E can really acquire and love while he's away. He's never tried any kind of coconut water before, so now I'm interested in giving him some other types, though the mix form will be easiest by far in terms of sending in a care package. This mix also comes in original and pomegranate raspberry.


Off to Costco soon to try to get some of these in bulk!

Separation Anxiety

Today is April 1st. Each new month sends a zing of excitement and dread through me; Deployment and Graduation (yes, capitalized!) are just that much closer. Somehow the start of a new month makes that fact more poignant than on other days.


In other news, I have begun compiling a real care package with an actual theme and everything! Yes, it is a bit early, but I know I'm going to be overwhelmed when he does go, and I want to have as many things set up in advance as possible. I will be posting pictures/tutorials when it is finished, of course!

Love the Boy, Hate the Uniform

E's deployment date already got moved, to a slightly earlier date, which made me panic briefly before I sternly told myself that it didn't matter, and we might as well get it over with as soon as possible. I know that the date may change at least once more, as the military typically likes to shift things around.

The military is like some sort of sadistic lover, tugging at your emotions just for the hell of it. I want this third wheel of an establishment to be out of our relationship, and I'm relieved that E is getting out of active duty pretty much as soon as he gets home from this deployment. I'm grateful that this is very likely the first and last time I will need to go through this process. I have so much respect for other families who do this multiple times, or for a lifetime. 

The worst part of it, is that I have a countdown app on my iphone that has events like his deployment, my graduation, important birthdays etc. Deployment is the next event, and I look at that number every day, the one that tells me how many days and hours I have left with my love (its probably a bad habit). When I had to move that date, I suddenly lost a few numbers, a few days that I assumed I had with him. And thats what made the panic flare up. 

But if I'm being reasonable, I know that the sooner we can start this the sooner we can get this over and done with forever. So I keep repeating that in my head over, and over, and over...

Drink Mix Review Part 1

Because his departure is looming ever closer, we've begun to start accumulating more things and setting more solid plans. We seem to have a solid plan for storing all his stuff, and for moving some of my stuff from my apartment in to live with his stuff while I flee with the essentials to my hometown for the duration of this little slice of hell.


We also started taste testing water flavoring mixes, because we know he will need to stay super hydrated, and that plain water gets dull for him after a while. Neither of us like the taste of fake sugars, especially aspartame, and we wanted to stay as far away from those as possible. I soon realized that trying to find drink mixes with only real sugar was pretty much impossible though, so we started finding ones with less offensive sweeteners like sucralose and truvia. We know that he will get sick of just one type/flavor of drink mix, so we're trying to find a few that he likes. So far we've tried:


 True Lemon, which I loved, but E found too tart for his taste. Not surprising, because plain lemon juice in water is one of my favorite things, while he generally prefers sweeter drinks. So he found this boring, and it will probably not be included (though I get to keep the rest of the package =D).

We also got our hands on some Mio. I liked it after the first sip, but on the second, I noticed it tasted a bit like gasoline...and then I couldn't stop tasting gasoline until I just couldn't bear to take another sip. E, on the other hand, liked it a lot, though we both agree it needs to be very watered down. A little goes a LONG way. In any case, E wants to try a couple more flavors, but thinks this might be a keeper for him. It is super easy to use and will probably last a long time, plus its really small and will be easier than boxes of powder sticks to tuck into care packages.

The last one we have formally taste tested was Crystal Light Pure Lemonade. I liked this one the best, especially when I watered it down considerably to dull the burn your mouth sweetness that all these kinds of mixes have. It didn't have that awful aspartame tang and aftertaste, though you could tell there was still something fake tasting about it. But all in all, I thought it was the best so far. E agreed that it was good, though he still preferred the Mio, and thus it stays on our short list. 

We have a couple others I picked up at an REI store that have real sugar, that we are going to get to later this week. Other than that, school is heating up and I have a huge to-do list to accomplish this week!

Confirmation

We have a set date & time now.


Be still my heart.


Somehow it makes it feel more real.


Before the date was solidified, there was still a remote chance it could be called off. But I can't say I didn't expect this. I know I have to do this, so I'm just really ready to just get this whole thing over with.

Canada Planning Pt. Deux

Ok. So onto Victoria, B.C. for the second leg of our trip. 


Butchart Gardens: 

Sea Kayaking: 

British Shopping: 

Canada Planning

E is leaving just a few weeks before I graduate from college. Upon my graduation, my mom and younger brother are headed up here so we can take a long-awaited trip to Canada. Basically, I'll be busy for about a month after he leaves, first with finals, then with Canada, and finally with moving out of my apartment and back home at the end of May. Frankly, I'm glad of the distractions, and really, planning my Canadian mini-vacation is a good distraction for right now as well. I know saying goodbye is going to be horrifically difficult, but a small part of me will be glad that at least we can start this thing and not be caught up in thinking about it and preparing for it constantly, which has been emotionally draining. Basically, I'm ready to start it so it can be over. 


OK. So. Canada. I'm thinking of starting in Vancouver, since thats where I really wanna go.


Gastown:

Stanley Park:

Robson Street:

Kitsilano Pool:

Granville Island:

As well as general exploring, bars, nightlife, and lots and lots of food. Brother will be of legal drinking age under Canadian law as well, so that should be fun!

As for Victoria, BC, it looks beautiful and I'll be updating my must-see list shortly. 

Upsides and Downsides of it Being March

Upsides:


-Winter is losing its grip
-Days are getting longer
-I get to start slowly buying things in prep for deployment
-Spring Break is next week and I get to go home
-I get to start planning my Canadian vacation with mom and brother


Downsides:


-This is probably the last full month I have with him before he goes


And that pretty much trumps eveything else.


.

Before He Goes...

I have a few lists of both practical stuff and fun stuff I want to get out of the way/ go out and do before he leaves. We both have busy schedules right now, me trying to finish my last semester of college, and him with work, but I'd really like to get around to some of this.


First, the practical stuff. We agreed on a budget and frequency of care packages, and have started collecting items we know he will need. One of my more brilliant ideas was to have him start buying two of every body product he replaced (shampoo, face wash, shaving cream, toothpaste, etc) before he leaves and giving me one to hold on to. I've got quite the stockpile now after 3 months, and it will save me the time and money later. We also made sure all of his important information was stored properly and figured out where all of his stuff was going to stay. We do still need to talk about storage options for a couple more things, but its largely figured out.


As for the fun stuff, we live quite close to Seattle right now, though I will be moving home to the San Francisco Bay Area for the duration of his deployment, and theres quite few things on my bucket list before I do. I'd really like to go see at least one more concert with E, and would LOVE to go see the Seattle troll as well as the Kubota Japanese Gardens. I desperately want to go on a Theo Chocolate factory tour, see the public library, go back to the SAM, visit the Frye Museum, and hit a few happy hours in the city. There are some beautiful restaurants with great deals for happy hours and late nights. My favorite thus far has been Toulouse Petit, but there are several others I'm itching to go to. The other thing I've wanted to do here for a long time is go wine tasting in this region, and as E and I share a growing love and appreciation for wine, its something we'd like to do.

Blurry cell phone picture of Seattle from Kerry Park

Maybe we can start devoting some weekend time to these things :) Creating some more good memories is at the top of my priorities list.