Nights are the Hardest

I miss you sleeping cuddled up next to me. I miss cooking together, sleeping in, and going on adventures. I miss the way you smell, miss talking to you, miss kisses. I think about being nearly halfway done with this deployment and want to cry from the crazy anticipation of it being over. There’s this little light at the end of the tunnel now, but thinking about when it will be a week until you’re home, days before you’re home makes me panic I want it so badly. It’s this odd fear of anticipation, like I can’t let myself get excited, because wanting something this much is too painful. Instead I re-direct my thoughts to the things I still have to look forward to in these next three months, my plans, our plans. It’s more calming to think about that. Much will be accomplished before I finally get to meet you in the airport. Even typing that out makes my heart leap so painfully. I can’t wait, and I can’t stand waiting.